The beauty of hindsight?

Whenever I embark on some deeper form of retrospection, the ugliness in me always becomes glaringly obvious. The words I shouldn’t have said. The words I should have said. That silly thing that I wish I didn’t do. Those thoughts in my head that I wouldn’t display in public. The self-centredness. The way I annoy people. The lack of gratitude. The faithlessness. The sheer impatience.

And then there’s Pride. I give myself too many pats on the back and too little glory to God.

It’s kind of a balancing act between having my head high up in the clouds and diving deep into the river of Self-condemnation.

So which do I need to grasp more – that God opposes the proud or that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus? Is there a link somehow?

I find it hard to believe the sheer extent of God’s love sometimes.

After reading about His raging anger upon Israel via Hosea, the Lord God proclaimed that He would “heal their waywardness and love them freely, for (His) anger has turned away from them” in the last chapter. It’s a drastic contrast from the promised destruction and punishment that dominate most of the book.

How can I give you up, Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, Israel?
How can I treat you like Admah?
How can I make you like Zeboiim?
My heart is changed within me;
all my compassion is aroused.
I will not carry out my fierce anger,
nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim.
For I am God, and not man -
the Holy one among you.
I will not come in wrath.

The distinction is crystal clear – He is God through and through. We often respond to injustice with revenge and rage. Even a heartfelt apology might not suffice at times. God, on the other hand, responds to repentance by Renewing His Covenant of Love.

I’m wowed again and again by the King of Kings.

I really love NYCB1 greatly. (Being with you all is such a Joy.)

I pray that we will not just love each other but love God with our lives. (:

Sow for yourselves righteousness,
reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
for it is time to seek the Lord,
until he comes
and showers righteousness on you.
But you have planted wickedness,
you have reaped evil,
you have eaten the fruit of deception.
Because you have depended on your own strength
and on your many warriors,
the roar of battle will rise against your
people,
so that all your fortresses will be devastated -

#1 We seek the Lord until He comes. This means that God may not come right away. It could take a while before righteousness is poured out to us. God is the one who gives the righteousness.

I think I am often too impatient and I do not see what God is doing in the overall picture. And I give up seeking Him; I allow myself to succumb. I give in. In the process, I am not transformed in His ways partly because of my lack of perseverance.

#2 Evil can be reaped! It’s strange to think of us ‘planting wickedness’ and then harvesting evil from it.

I don’t want to be planting wickedness and reaping the results of my gardening. The idea that wickedness could be planted also possibly hints at the effort given to indulge in sin? I need to think through about this a little more.

#3 There is a grave consequence from depending on your own strength. (Something that I tend to overlook!) In this case, the bible declares whatever strong walls we have attempted to build will crumble and fall.

No.1 trap that I tend to fall into. Serve without God. Give without God. Live without God. I guess sometimes God needs to allow these man-made fortresses to fall so that I will be reminded to live in Him and not on human strength.

Hello Mia, it’s time to do some proper, God-centred gardening. (:

P/S: The Word is indeed unrivalled and surpasses all works of literature. (Not that I’ve read every book out there, but from what I’ve read so far!) Wow. I still think that the bible is one of the most beautifully written books of all time. God-inspired mah. (:

- The morning serenity of the empty classroom
- Studying with See Yoon next to me
- Lunch with Wee Boon
- Discovering Grey Gay’s mouth with Guofeng
- NYC (must have been about 20 of us!) sitting in an oval shape to have dinner together on Level 3 of SBS
- Being able to have people buy/deliver food from Canteen 1/2/15 for us!
- Wan Qi and Serene coming to visit us
- Random chat with Eng How outside CR5
- The phone call with Eunice (:
- Praying for Stellah and Meowmeow’s papers
- Packing the exam HQ snack corner with Monchichi (Think we took about 20mins to complete the job! Guan Rui, you can inspect and give your comments.)

The exams begin for the NTU people today. Hereeeee goes! I’m so excited to see what God will do.

It’s been 3 days at the exam HQ and it encourages me to see that this place is coming alive with the love of Christ. (: We are certainly not stoned, half-dead muggers in a room.

I love studying here, even though there are times it feels as though I’m sitting in economy class. Hehe.

There must be some sort of balance between both.

Or else we will end up being
(a) Burnt out
(b) Suckers

I know I can give more.

Been here since 9am. Am losing focus.

Before I dive headfirst into another Forensics online lecture, I just want to declare that I am too loved. Seriously. Fung says that people pamper me. I think it’s true.

What did I do to deserve – a loaf of raisin bread from Four Leaves, a Hello Kitty keychain from the ‘egg egg thing’, a Hello Kitty Tissue Box, honey drink, heartfelt prayers for my recovery and concerned smses.

I am blessed to be a blessing. Remember that!

I leave you with a photo of Grey Gay. He’s my new handphone pouch, and according to Tifen, Monchichi’s girlfriend. (I know this doesn’t make sense…)

Yes, I know my nail colour is nice! (: Woooo.

Woe to the (big and flying) cockroach that is lurking around in our room.

Woe to my nose which is making me reach for a tissue every 1 minute.

It seems like the flu bug has finally caught up with me.

I spent the whole of sermon yesterday dabbing at my nose with tissue. Chloe actually thought that I was touched by God and was crying my heart out. -___-” Totally the Stella syndrome please.

Was feeling so thankful this morning. My mum got me medicine, breakfast and told me to sleep. (: And I half expected her to wake me up and drag me out of the house for family outing.

Now, I’m feeling tons better. The nose is still not functioning as it should. But the sore throat has disappeared. Praise the Lord!